I want to stick my p in your. b.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
