so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
