I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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