Duck Duck Cougar?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
