stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
