i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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