I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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