why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
