I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
