I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
