I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
