You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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