using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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