I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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