At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
