I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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