I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
