She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
