My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
