Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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