I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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