While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
