is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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