Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
