you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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