He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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