just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize