I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
two words: eviction party
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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