I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
