I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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