Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
