Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
