I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize