he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
