White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
