I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
