Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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