Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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