If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
