these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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