Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
