If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
