last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
