you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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