just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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