She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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