Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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