six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
