forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
