The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
True strength comes from lack of pants
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
