he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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