i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
