I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
