Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
