Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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