i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
