the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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