I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
