Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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