I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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