I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was born a porn star she said
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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