i barfeds in our rink
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
