I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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