When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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