I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
