rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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