She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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