Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.