Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit