You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.