I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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