I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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