Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
