I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm too high and old for this...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
