fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
