are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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