They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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