Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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