you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
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I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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